not so funny

This is where I say I’ve had enough, and no one should ever feel that way that I feel now. A walking open wound, a trophy display of bruises, and I don’t believe that I’m getting any better.-Dashboard Confessional (Saints and Sailors) It's hard to look in the mirror these days when everyone has everything you'd rather be-Saves the Day (Handsome Boy)

IT'S FUNNY -- how hello is always accompanied with goodbye. IT'S FUNNY -- how good memories can start to make you cry. IT'S FUNNY -- how forever never seems to really last. IT'S FUNNY -- how much you'd lose if you forgot about your past. IT'S FUNNY -- how friends can just leave you when you`re down. IT'S FUNNY -- how when you need someone, they're never around. IT'S FUNNY -- how people change and think they're so much better. IT'S FUNNY -- how people can forgive even though they can't forget. IT'S FUNNY -- how one night can contain so much regret. IT'S FUNNY -- how ironic life turns out to be. but the funniest part of all.. none of that seems funny to me. And then I felt sad because I realized that once people are broken in certain ways, they can't ever be fixed, and this is something nobody ever tells you when you are young and it never fails to surprise you as you grow older and you see the people in your life break one by one. You wonder when your turn is going to be, or if it's already happened.

Do you know that feeling when you're tired and you feel useless??? You want to look pretty but you don't want to look in the mirror. You feel like your whole life is ending, but everyone else’s seems like it's just beginning. You smile so your friends don't think you're sad, but deep down you are. You know that another chapter of your life is about to start, but you don't feel like turning the page. You cry in the middle of the night even when you don't have a reason. You feel as if the whole universe has a life but your life is useless. You don't know why you do the things you do. You call your friends and just sit there without anything to say then you tell them you have to let them go, but you'll call them back...but you never do. You feel as if everyone has turn their back on you so you just give up. You decide you don't want to live anymore. It's all too much. Why waste anyone else’s time? Then you fall asleep.

Did it surprise you that I am not who you thought I was? Did it surprise you to find that I don’t exactly stand for what you thought I stood for all along? Did it surprise you to find that I'm not exactly how I played myself out to be? That the person you thought I was is actually nothing to what I am. Doesn't it amaze you how the most carefree people who can wear the biggest smile on their face, are the ones who are crying tears of ice alone in their bedroom to cover every part of their depression. Don't let this change anything. For now you know who I am once the darkness hits and I'm alone in my room. I can still be the person you and everyone else thought I was. For that is the person I have played to be for so many years.

I'm angry with a lot of things, tons of countless things, but if you asked me what, I couldn't tell you. It frustrates me. Maybe I should just stop now. The truth is everyone is going to hurt you. You just have to decide who is worth the pain

Do you ever just get that feeling where you don't want to talk to anybody? You don’t want to smile, and you don't want to fake being happy. But at the same time, you don't know exactly what is wrong either. There isn't a way to explain it to someone who doesn't already understand. If you could want anything in the world it would be to be alone. People have stopped being comforting… And being alone never was. At least when you're alone no one constantly asks you what is wrong and you don’t know the answer. You feel the way you do just BECAUSE. You hope the feeling will pass soon and that you will be able to be yourself again, but until then all you can do is wait

This isn't a perfect world, and people do get hurt…You smile when you feel like crying, You act like you're okay When you're falling apart inside, And you let things go. You move on, because there's nothing else you can do.

You look at me and ask 'what’s wrong?' I smile and say 'nothin' Then I turn around my eyes filled with tears and I simply whisper 'everything'.