Reflection:v.1.1

It just happened. 


I don't know why but at this particular moment everything seems so shaky and it feels like I'm falling deep into the ditch of nothingness. 


I felt so terribly hopeless and pathetic. Not knowing where to go and what to do. I'm depressed. 


Felt like I was being tossed and turned into the waves, leaving me not only dizzy but disoriented. It's been so long since I let it curl me around drifting in the abyss.


I lost every sense of me. 


I felt shallow. 


I felt so ordinary.


Where had my dreams gone, where had my hopes gone. Who am I kidding when I'm saying that things will be alright? 


Live one day at a time...yes, easier said than done.


I felt so pathetic.


Now I'm wondering, is it too late? Is it too late to move on? 


As I'm trying to make a "to-do-list", I was reminded, how short a day can be, and if I don't make every minute count? I will surely just be adrift into oblivion. 


There's an entire life to be ordinary, and it isn't big a deal. But being ordinary is something someone is if they play safe, if they are contented of just conforming, living with the conventional reality, trying to pass every moment without anything to do.


Being ordinary means you have forgotten the excitement of dreaming and making them come true.


Being ordinary is the person that I have tried hard not to be yet now I'm the epitome of one.


I used to get ahead of myself in everything I do, I have always tried to challenge everything, to question until I arrive at one point, interesting.


Where have I been? 


It won't help blaming the people around me. No, blaming the circumstances don't make it any clearer either. Nor does becoming apathetic and submitting to the situation at hand. It's like being in a quicksand trying to pull myself up but slowly sucking me down. 


I know that no one can help me cause this is just a state of mind. This is the time to be stubborn to fate and the circumstance, this is the time to be a brat and fight for a place into a meaningful world of purpose and dreams.


No one, not even your friends nor family, will notice that you are floating freely cause you're given up, they will think they know you enough and assume that that's just who you are and what you want. Believe me, I knew the feeling.


So if there's someone, who could make things happen, it's myself...and no one else. I can make believe of anything just so there's something that I would believe again.


I am trying to convince myself, every second of the day, that things will be better, and that somehow, something or someone out there will intervene. 


There's nothing wrong to be ordinary, but why be ordinary if we can be someone special?