UNMASK: prelude

Things could have been better. A lot of things could have been a little better. As I lie in bed every night, some nights alone, some nights beside this dozing man that I love for almost 4 years now, I get to think of the life I had lived and reflect as to why I was once that dreamy, vibrant and full of aspiration girl to a dull, lazy, inactive woman that I am now. I keep on convincing myself that this is how things happen. This is how I suppose to be. But at the back of my mind, something, someone out there is pushing me hard. Trying to encourage me to be someone else, to assess the choices I’ve made and evaluate my role in this world. I am trying at the moment, to put everything in perspective, trying to think how and why I am here in the first place.

It’s been a routine, for almost four years now. I might say I live in a routine life. Same thing everyday, like someone is playing me up, keep on replaying my life. I’m beginning to think, where is that spontaneity that I so badly convince people to do? Where had been my life?

Much to my dismay, I really can’t answer even the simplest question of “who am i?” and “what I want?” With this that I conclude, I am lost.

No one would really understand my rants unless of course someone who cared, or some people who had believed in me all those times.

Now, I am beginning to reassess everything, and focus on what really matters, I may not end up with a happily ever after but I want to make sure that I have live up trying to believe that it’s where I’m headed. I hope in trying to write the memories I have since childhood, should I track down the once vibrant, full of hope little girl that I once was and hopefully revive my dull adult life into her.

I hope that someone out there, read this story that I will chronicle in this blog, and together we journey back in time to try to find inspiration and refuge in the carefree and inspiring life of childhood.